Sometimes, I catch myself trying to make sense of it. Because I can't just sit and wait. I WANT to understand. I NEED to understand how and why we ended up in the crazy world we live in. And to me, it doesn't make any sense. I want the world to change. I want to help. I try to do what I can. But when I wake up on days like last Thursday, all I can do is freeze. I felt literally iced by the news. All I wanted to do was to run away from it. Hide for a day. And live my life, like if nothing happened.
The problem is, I often got told that if I wanted a change, any change, I needed to take action. And that running away was being weak. But what if for once, running away was not being weak ? What if it was our HSP's brain that couldn't act ? And what if sometimes, to be able to act, we actually need to let our brain flee from the world, just for a little while ?
TOO SENSITIVE TO FACE REALITY ?
Some mornings I wake up feeling guilty after a good night's sleep because I know that others haven't slept all night because of the bombs and sirens outside every second. I feel guilty for going skiing, just for fun, while others are in a race against the clock to escape their own country. I feel guilty taking a bath, when I know that others don't have access to clean water on a daily basis. I feel guilty buying so many vegetables wrapped in plastic when I know that our sea world is choking on them... I feel guilty to have a visa that allows me to stay in Canada while others are in trouble and asking for asylum, to flee war...
Whether it's the bombs that are destroying cities in many countries right now. The planet that is burning, drowning, crying out for help, and our governments that do not move. The animal life that we have appropriated without any respect... Our ways of consuming... I sometimes find it difficult to continue to live my daily life as if nothing had happened. I often dream of being able to do like all those people, who live far away from everything, able to ignore, or at least, to distance themselves, from the world we live in. But I am a highly sensitive person. And it is because I am touched by everything, all the time, that I care too much about everything. And it is because I care too much about everything, all the time, that I am not always able to face reality head on.
TOO SENSITIVE TO ACT ?
It took me years, after the attacks in Paris, to feel confident with the world again. That's when I stopped listening to, watching or reading the news. At that time, I felt like the media had invaded my inner world. I could feel my well-being slipping away, as if everything was biting me a little more every second. When I went to New Zealand, I decided that would be over. I was going to take back control of my own feelings, my own happiness and my own fears. I knew that if something extremely bad happened, I would know about it from my friends or family. I didn't need television, radio, or newspapers to scare me 24/7.
Then I lost my father. And then there was Covid. And the fires around the world last year. It never stops. To be honest, it took me months again to feel positive about it all. Sometimes everything feels so intense that I feel like my brain is going crazy. It's like I have no rational thoughts left at all. Nothing but emotions. When this happens to me, all I can do is feel. For a long time I thought something was wrong with me, until I discovered the science behind the so-called "hyper" brains (HSP and/or High Potential People) in Cathy Assenheim's book: " "Mon cerveau est hyper". ("My brain is hyper")
You probably heard of it before but the brain is divided in two hemispheres, the right brain, also called emotional brain, and the left brain, often called rational brain. Usually, those two work as a team, alternating their roles and functions to keep us running. However, for an HSP brain, things can get a bit more tricky. She explains that if the emotional brain gets too triggered, it can get stuck into a strong emotional cycle, shutting the left brain down and not letting us access to any rational thoughts anymore. This explains why HSP's can get very dramatic about situations that don't look as bad to others, and why it can be so hard for us to get out of it.
Or to put it more simply, when you feel the world too much, it sometimes becomes impossible to act...
HIGHLY SENSITIVITY, A SUPERPOWER THAT ALLOWS YOU TO ACT
When I got on my computer to publish my weekly article last Thursday, I thought it didn't make sense. Talking about "What tools to learn to love yourself" seemed completely futile and out of place in the world. At the time I thought there were too many other more important topics to talk about than self-love... And then, this week, I came across these words from Mari Andrew:
These, were the perfect words, the ones I needed exactly. The ones that reminded me that yes, suffering, mundanity and beauty have always co-existed. That if the world is sometimes too intense, it's okay to run away from it and go back to our daily lives for a moment. Because sometimes, protecting ourselves and running away from what overwhelms us for a given time is not being weak, quite the opposite. It's having the intelligence to give yourself the space and time you need to think and act. Because in the end, I am convinced that among those who are on the front lines of any movements for the world and the planet, there are a good number of highly sensitive people. And that it is by listening to oneself that one is most useful to the world.
Love.
Co.
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