"Why are you leaving? To go where?" "What don't you like here?"
"You'll always be the one leaving, won't you?" "I knew you wouldn't stay."
It's been a while since I've taken the time to write a bit about what's been going on around here, from my lost mountains in British Columbia, but as you can imagine, that doesn't mean it's all quiet in my head. Oh no... Never :)
I had stopped off a few months ago after road tripping in the USA with Mily (travel blog1, blog 2, blog 3) and returning to Nelson in August. I'd had a visit from my mom in September, and after so many adventures over the summer, I was just hoping to get back to the comfort of a familiar, cosy place, at least to get through the winter.
Now that the darkest months have passed, my projects are back on track, and from the title of this article, you've guessed it: yes, I'm leaving.
I've been getting a lot of questions recently about why I'm leaving, and it's brought me back to an all-too-familiar and uncomfortable feeling: that of being misunderstood. As I'm confident this time that I'm making the right choice, I wanted to use this blog to explain everything, as I have in the past.
So, yes, I'm leaving, but to where, to do what and why, let me tell you. En route!
Why am I leaving?
If you've been following me since the start of my adventure in Canada, you'll know how long it took me to get my bearings in British Columbia (BC).
It's been just over 3.5 years since I made Nelson my home. 3.5 years of leaving and returning to this very special place. 3.5 years of adoring this little mountain town, while hating it at the same time.
There hasn't been a minute when I haven't had my mind on exploring other regions. I went on a road trip during the summer, spent a month on Vancouver Island, explored so many different landscapes, went to take a look at the province next door, but I never really found that feeling I'd come for.
In fact, I feel like I've been going around in circles for 3.5 years. I can't see myself here in the long term. And that's the main reason I'm leaving. I've been trying for 3 years to convince myself to stay... We're surrounded by mountains and hiking, the rare quality of snow for skiing in winter, culture and art around every corner, countless restaurants and bars, the lake and beaches in summer, not to mention all the fun, spirituality and wellness services the town abounds in... On paper, Nelson is Paradise.
But then...
Fire season makes me anxious every summer.
The winter spent in this dark & tight valley suffocates me.
Road access in and out of here is complicated if not impossible half the year.
The nearest international airport is a 4-hour drive away.
The quality/price ratio of real estate doesn't make sense to me.
Dating opportunities are very limited.
Money is at the center of conversations, as it's the main source of stress.
And although Canadians are caring & ultra-friendly, I feel there's a lack of authenticity in the communities and relationships here, and it's killing me.
When the weight of the negative outweighs the weight of the positive, it's time...
So, In the spring, I'm leaving.
Where to ?
In December 2022, I obtained my permanent residency in Canada. A 5-year renewable visa that allows me to live and work here. And, given the budget I had to spend to obtain this card, I didn't want to ruin it by leaving Canadian soil on a whim.
Luckily, the Canadian Provinces are like mini-countries, which means they all have their own unique cultures, and you can get a real change of scenery without having to cross borders. After a few months of research, my choice ended on the East Coast, with the visit of 3 new provinces: Nova Scotia, Prince Edward Island and Newfoundland and Labrador.
A change of culture and a return to the ocean: a much needed guaranteed change of scenery... And moving east means shorter flights back to France :), that's great news.
To leave and do what?
Starting all over again, but taking my time.
I'm planning to travel throughout the summer, to give myself time to see and discover where to settle down for the long term. The idea is to land in Halifax, Nova Scotia, buy a vehicle and make it my home for 3 months.
If I'd been able to, I'd have taken Speedy D (my van) with me, but given the distance involved (over 5,000 km), it's better that I take the plane and find a vehicle in the East.
And then for the rest, we'll see.
The one who leaves...
In the last few weeks, I feel like I've already begun to grieve Nelson and the friends I'm leaving behind. In each of my lives abroad, I've met such wonderful people and they've all left their mark on me in a way that makes and has made each of my departures so difficult.
"I knew you wouldn't stay."
You know, I'm tired of being the one who leaves too. And I think, in a way, that's what's kept me here so long. I couldn't be bothered to sell everything again, just to start all over again. It kills me every time I have to say goodbye. To know that some of my friendships won't survive my departure. That this is the last time this place will feel so familiar. Even if I were to set foot here again one day.
But, you know, when I set out on my travels 7 years ago, I was on a quest to find myself. I wanted to understand who I was, what I really wanted and to live my own way, far from everything. I found answers to my questions. By going far away and living abroad, I understood where I came from. I put the pieces of the puzzle together and learned to accept and love myself, as I had always dreamed of doing. I've found a vocation (or 4 ^^) and all I need now is a place where I feel good, where I can settle down. And for that, I need to keep exploring.
So even if sometimes it feels like I'm abandoning you, every time I leave, it's not you I'm moving away from, it's me I'm moving closer to.
And this time, I know I'm very close.
Love
Co.
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