If there’s one journey I was eager to write about, it’s my return to France. It’s been exactly four months since I came back, and aside from sharing a few adventures on Instagram through posts and stories, I admit I’ve distanced myself from the digital world and social media. A break that was more than necessary to focus on myself and on this new life I’m building here.
The first two months were just like me: an emotional rollercoaster. Torn between long-awaited reunions, my thousand desires, and the reality of a daily life I couldn’t quite make mine, I struggled to find my footing and feel like myself again in this region I had been so excited to return to. Not to mention: the constant house-hopping, the difficulty of imagining a career in a culture that feels 10 years behind, the endless search for my dream car, the lingering feeling of being uprooted, struggling to find activities I enjoy in the region, family issues, my fears, loneliness, and so much more…
While time feels both short and long at once, my reasons for coming back still seem to surprise everyone. Not to mention the almost surreal feeling of being the one who returned when no one expected it. "What are you doing here? You’re back? So, what now? Are you really going to settle down here? I dream of the life you had. My dream is to go live in Canada..."
Oh, if only you knew... When I decided to come back, I knew very well this would be the craziest challenge I’d ever set for myself. So, four months in France, the gamble of the North, of love, and the challenge of redrawing a life in such a familiar setting... Shall I tell you more? En route!
The gamble of the North...
This return to my roots, to my beloved North, is probably the thing that keeps you wondering: “But why the North? Why not the Alps or the Pyrenees mountains?”
Partly because this is where I come from. Because this is where it all started. Because I wanted to face, once again, the image of the girl from the North with her accent and expressions that people in Paris or elsewhere used to mock, the very thing I had run away from. Because the North is my roots. It’s my culture, despite everything. Because I missed the people from the North. Because the search for meaning I experienced abroad constantly brought me back to who I am and where I’m from. Because the discomfort—almost shame—of all those clichés (sometimes so true) that others hold onto was what fueled my escape. It was the source of my questions, my search for meaning. And the further I went, the more I uprooted myself from who I was.
For a long time, I believed I was ashamed of my roots, but traveling made me realize you can’t change where you come from. So, it was time to come back to make peace with that girl from the North I had abandoned and even hated. And to learn to accept her too, for all that she is.
… ...and always, the gamble of love.
“So, you really changed all your plans and left everything behind for a guy?” That’s what I feared hearing the most. Changing my tickets on a whim to follow an intuition from over 20 years ago—that would’ve been a bit crazy. And yet… the heart has its reasons that reason doesn’t know, right?
The gamble of coming back, and the gamble of love, to finally let myself live the story I’ve always secretly dreamed of… and why not?! After all, you know me, following my heart is what I do best.
It’s a story I’ve stayed (and still stay) pretty quiet and private about—maybe out of fear, selfishness, or just wanting to protect it. But it’s a story that makes my heart race and rewrites all the wrong ideas I had about love in the past. A new framework, one full of possibilities. And for the first time, the chance to let go in a relationship without fearing that one day I’ll want to leave, because I’m already where it all began. In the end, it’s easier to commit on solid ground “at home” than to risk building something abroad when I was never sure if I truly wanted to stay.
The challenge of staying true to myself...
The biggest challenge of this return is standing my ground to remain true to myself. It's about staying loyal to this version of me, the one that has evolved over the years, through different countries and cultures, in front of people who, perhaps, haven't changed much—if at all. It’s about being strong in my choices, especially when others keep trying to negotiate everything and remind me that I wasn’t like this in the past.
It’s about keeping in mind the positive reasons that brought me back and not falling headfirst into the trap of comparison—thinking, “But you French people…” or “In Canada, it was better, we did it like this…” Because comparison may bring comfort and connect us to the past, but it’s also what separates us from the present reality.
It’s also hard to give my loved ones a fair chance, to move past the preconceived notions I have of them… because when you live far away for so long, you often forget that they might have changed too. And even harder is resisting the pull of slipping back into old habits, toxic patterns that are inevitably tied to this familiar place.
And then, the biggest challenge of this return is one that has followed me for years: the feeling of being out of sync, different, not like the others. Abroad, it was so much easier to hide. You’re seen as the French girl with her quirky habits, but people just chalk it up to cultural differences—it’s not you. Now, back in France, I’m all of that. The girl from the North, who has lived everywhere, had a thousand lives, who doesn’t work like everyone else, who doesn’t fit the mold, who thinks differently, who gives a lot, feels a lot, and whose expectations overwhelm more than a few… But that girl, she’s the one I’ve learned to accept and love over time and across countries. So, this return to my homeland is precisely the chance to embrace myself in the place where my differences always felt the hardest to bear.
......and creating your own life.
The final challenge of this return is all about the endless possibilities. A solo road trip through the Pyrenees, a getaway to Montenegro, a peaceful life in the Alps... I spent the summer traveling, exploring, reflecting, and above all, crafting a life here that truly feels like mine.
Leaving the North, only to return stronger. Taking distance to breathe. Going away, only to realize I always wanted to come back. In the end, these thousand lives I’ve lived abroad constantly remind me that it’s always possible to reinvent yourself, even at home.
I’ll likely always be torn in my life choices. My desire for both stability and adventure, my longing for roots and freedom, my perpetual dissatisfaction paired with boundless gratitude for the world and those around me... But that’s exactly where the richest soil for creativity lies. It’s in that space that I can finally write my story, without running away from it, in a setting where, in the past, I couldn’t quite manage to do so.
And in the end, I believe that's where the secret to any change or life project lies... It’s about daring to approach it with creativity. It’s about letting go of the voices telling you it’s impossible and allowing yourself to dream of all the possibilities. It’s about finding the patience and courage to move forward, no matter what. It’s about trying and failing. Listening to yourself and stepping out of the box when needed. It’s about accepting yourself, no matter the cost. Surrounding yourself with people who support you, no matter what. It’s about learning how to let go, because life, too, is full of ambiguity. Nothing is ever truly set in stone. We never really know what tomorrow holds. But if you’re happy, right here in the present moment, what more could you ask for?!
Love
Co.
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