One of my biggest fears when I started my self-discovery & self-love journey was to become self-centered in egotic, narcissistic ways. Like me, you probably overheard people criticizing their friends' choices, complaining about how selfish they were because they said no to something or chose themselves over someone else's need or request. Which might have created a sense of discomfort, making you believe that :
setting a boundary is bad
listening to yourself and choosing yourself is a negative selfish behavior
So, let's make it clear here, self-love isn't synonym of narcissism. It isn't a fancy term for narcissism. Let's explore why.
What is Self-love?
Self-love is a powerful force that can transform your life in the most beautiful ways.
It's a cozy evening, your favorite book, a cup of your favorite tea and a warm blanket. Or it's a night out dancing on your own, feeling joy to your bones. It's about embracing who you are, acknowledging your worth, treating yourself with kindness and accepting all of you, the good and the less good with a lot of compassion.
Ultimately self-love is prioritising your well-being, both physically and emotionally, through self-care. It's when you don't engage in self-abandonment to please others. And when you're capable of setting healthy boundaries with yourself and others.
In other words, it's practicing unconditional love with yourself, in every way.
What is Narcissism?
Narcissism is a personality trait characterized by an excessive focus on oneself, an inflated sense of self-importance, and a constant need for admiration. Individuals with narcissistic tendencies often lack empathy, exploit relationships for personal gain, and believe they are superior to others. This trait can range from healthy self-confidence to a more pathological state, where it significantly impairs functioning and relationships.
The fine line?
So, Is self-love a slippery slope into narcissism? in my opinion, not really.
While self-love centers around fostering a positive relationship with yourself, narcissism takes it to another level. They are, in some ways, at opposite ends of the spectrum.
The fine line is about finding balance. Self-love is about appreciating your strengths while being aware of your flaws. It's taking responsibility for your acts and mistakes, without trampling over other's needs. It's practicing empathy in every forms. And in my opinion, Self-love is actually a genuine invitation to connect with others and build meaningful, fulfilling relationships.
How to practice & cultivate self-love?
On that note, I do not believe there is a specific universal path to practice & cultivate self-love. It is very personal and depends on who you are, what you like, the environment your grew up with, etc.
Which means, to me, there are as many pathways to self-love as there are people on this planet. BUT. I won't let you swim in that ocean just like this. Here are some ideas to get you started :) :
Positive Affirmations: Put post-it everywhere (especially around your mirrors), listen to positive affirmation podcasts before going to bed, switch your screensavers for positive quotes, whatever works for you best!
Self-Care Rituals: Treat yourself to activities that bring joy and relaxation, whether it's a bubble bath, a good book, or a nature walk.
Setting Boundaries: Learn to say no when needed and prioritize your well-being without feeling guilty.
Journaling: Reflect on the positive aspects of your life, fostering a sense of appreciation for what you have. Vent on the paper when you need. Listen to yourself in non-judgmental ways.
Playfulness: Go have fun. Jump on a swing or on a trampoline, buy yourself a colourbook, sing like crazy in the car, go bowling, ... do something you used to love but haven't done in a while. You'll nourish your heart with pure self-love.
And for ideas of solo-dates, you can download my self-love e-book, for free, where you'll find 52 aventures to do on your own.
Wherever you are on this adventure, remember that embracing and nurturing self-love is a journey, not a destination. It's about finding that sweet spot where you cherish yourself without overshadowing the importance of others. So, go ahead, sprinkle a bit of self-love into your life, and watch how it blooms into a beautiful garden of positivity and well-being!
lots of love. Co.
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