"You have to learn to feel your emotions, to accept them, so you can learn to manage them."
"You have to observe your reactions so you can stop them."
"Mindfulness on a daily basis is the key."
These are typical sentences that I heard myself say over and over again, by my friends, by my therapists, by my teachers... Sentences that, despite their kindness, have never had any other effect on me than to make me feel more like a failure than the others. And it is this same feeling of failure that I have felt every time I gave up an activity that was supposed to help me be at peace with myself.
In my last article published a few days ago, I mentioned the most common tools used to reconcile with yourself. They have all been part of my daily life at one time or another. All of them, without exception. I went 300% into yoga, then gave up. I went all in on my paintings, then let go. I went all out with my outdoor activities, then I quit... It was as if in a few weeks or months, I had done all of them and once I had explored them completely, they didn't bring me anything anymore... At first I said to myself: "it must be the choice of tools that is bad" but with time I quickly fell back into the "but what is wrong with me! Why can others stick with it and not me?!"
And then, recently, through my readings on HSP and on HPI (high potential Intellectual, which I will talk about in another article) I finally understood. It is not me who is unsuited to the tools, nor are the tools unsuited to me, but rather the use I make of them which has long been unsuited. In other words: it's easy to find the tools, but you still need the right instructions...
So, hyper brains, self love, what are the instructions?
SELF-LOVE FOR YOU HYPER BRAIN.
"There is not ONE miracle tool for my hyper brain, but a wide variety of tools:" Generally, when I find a tool that works, I devote myself to it, body and soul until I get tired of the subject. Then I get tired of it, I give up and go back to look for the miracle tool. For a long time I was convinced that I was doing things wrong because I couldn't even stick with it for more than a few months. Worse, sometimes it was the feeling that I had exhausted all the resources I had at hand and then I was panicked. Discovering my highly sensitivity and my multi-potentiality allowed me to identify the cycles of interest / disinterest that inhabit me and to understand that there will never be a single miracle tool for me, but tools that must be constantly renewed.
"What works for others doesn't always work for me and that's okay!" I can't even count the number of times I've locked myself in my room in frustration, telling myself that I wasn't normal because the most fashionable and effective tool didn't work on me... To understand this aspect, I had to look a little more into the science related to our brains. The so-called "hyper" brains physically resemble all other brains. The only difference is in the way they work: the connections are different, faster, more intense and the brain never stops. It is not surprising that what works for most people does not work for others...
"Instead of making boredom my worst enemy, I can make it my best friend". You probably know it, or you may have read it in my article on multipotentialite, the world we live in values mainly the so-called "specialist" profiles. For a long time, this gave me the feeling of having the biggest flaw of all, that of wanting or having to constantly "switch" jobs, passions, activities. Every time I tried a tool, I would go around and around and eventually get tired of it, like everything else. I hated myself a little more each time, telling myself over and over that this constant boredom was just a nasty flaw that I had to fight. Today, I face this boredom with much more kindness. Because, this need for constant change is actually also a sign of a great curiosity and makes me the creative person I am. It is a force that constantly leads me to new tools and renews my love for myself a little more each day.
last but not least,
"What is a routine for others is only a regular appointment for myself:" I have read many articles and books that advised a famous morning routine: a glass of water, ten minutes of automatic writing, 20 minutes of meditation and hop, it is a life revolution. The miracle of a lifetime... I tried those three, then two more, then five more, but I never managed to create a routine that I could stick to for more than a few months. It's kind of like the idea of going to the same restaurant with your boyfriend every Thursday night for six months. For some people, this is not a problem. For me, I'm going to get bored with the menu, the restaurant, the waiters, the activity and even my boyfriend. With the "self-care" "self-love" routines it's the same... I am not against the idea of a regular appointment with myself, necessary for my balance but I have now understood that, for my hyper brain, the secret lies in the regularity of these appointments but also in the diversity of this moment. I force myself to take 2 hours a week where I do something for myself. But I don't impose the day, the time or the activity. This gives me the possibility to break with these cycles of boredom.
TO MAKE PEACE WITH YOUR HYPER BRAIN IS TO LEARN TO LOVE YOURSELF.
I have said it many times in my writings, I hate putting a label on a person's forehead. I find that it sometimes locks a personality into a box so narrow that there is no room to spread your wings. Being a highly sensitive person, or having a hyper brain is just one of many explanations that define us, in part. In reality, it is only a small label, next to many others.
However, if putting a name to a character trait can help you put it into perspective, then do so. Admitting that my brain is hyper, understanding how it works and defining it with one or more words, allows me every day to accept a little more the difference, and in other words, to accept a little more who I am. It allows me to reconnect with the deepest version of myself and in my opinion, this is one of the most powerful tools for any HSP or HPI.
Be yourself, everyone else is already taken. Oscar Wilde
Because in the end, as Oscar Wilde said, the only person you can really be is yourself, so you might as well accept and appreciate yourself!
I'll be back soon,
Love,
Co.
And you, HSP or HPI, what is your self-love manual?
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