J'accepte la grande aventure d'être moi Simone de Beauvoir
"I accept the great adventure of being me"
This great adventure evoked by Simone de Beauvoir, is something that struck me during my first travels. At the beginning it was simple, if I hadn't taken my courage in both hands to assert myself and appreciate myself as I was, I surely wouldn't have gone very far. However, it was with a bit of a lump in my stomach and a rather shy attitude that I spent my first trips... until New Zealand, where I experienced my first small inner revolution.
With time, this exhilarating encounter with myself eventually faded. And with the death of my father, I felt like I was going backwards. It was as if my whole self odyssey was just a cloud of smoke. But who am I really? Where am I going? What to do with my life? I was again afraid that people would discover that I was not who I thought I was, afraid that they would discover my deception, that they would call me an impostor...
Discovering my high sensitivity allowed me, in a way, to re-establish a framework where I had a lot of trouble rebuilding one. And since my arrival in Canada, the subject of self-love has become a bit of an obsession. Whether it's in the books I've read, the podcasts I've listened to, the ted-x I've devoured or even through my therapy sessions, the key to all my problems always seems to point to this self-love thing. But how do we learn or re-learn to love ourselves?
In order to be able to share with you everything I had started to write, without drowning you under a novel to read, I decided to split this article in two parts. This one, where I will talk about the main tools I have encountered in the last few years, valid for any person, HSP or not, and next week's article, in which I will come back to my own experience with these tools, as an HSP.
So, Self-love, instructions, let's go!
WHAT TOOLS TO LEARN TO LOVE YOURSELF? (HSP AND NOT HSP)
There are probably hundreds or even thousands of tools. Listing them all would be like listing all the personalities and idiosyncrasies of people on the planet. It would be impossible. However, there are a few that often come to the forefront, like pillars of personal development. Here is a non-exhaustive list:
MEDITATION : Its reputation is well established, meditation is in all the books, the number one tool. It is really about taking time for oneself, listening to oneself, to better understand one's emotions, needs and desires. By bringing calm and serenity, it allows you to re-connect with yourself and to develop your self-confidence. This is surely the starting point of any self-discovery.
YOGA : there too, its reputation is not to be repeated. To practice yoga is to practice a meditation, in movement. We rediscover ourselves through our body. We learn to listen to ourselves and to be patient. For me, yoga is the tool that allowed me to prove to myself that my thoughts are not always my reality. I arrive on my mat, full of negativity but I leave the room, proud, after an hour of breathing and postures. And then, it was one of the only tools that helped me for the first time to accept my body as it is...
JOURNALING : Keeping a journal has allowed me to learn to clear my head, to put things in perspective, to accept my thoughts for what they are and to understand that they do not define me. It has opened the doors to another kind of compassion, this time towards myself. And I think that's the secret of journaling, to learn to accept myself, on paper, as in reality. And maybe even to have the opportunity to meet each other, as if it were the first time.
IMMERSION IN NATURE : Whether it's a walk in the forest or a hike in the mountains, being alone in the middle of nature is to revive your senses, to reconnect with nature and, in turn, to reconnect with yourself. There is nothing more powerful for me than a hike in the middle of nature. Every time I go up, I tell myself I'm not going to make it. And every time I reach the top, I surprise myself and reconcile with my self-image. After all, it is me, this girl who was starting to want to give up as soon as she reached the first kilometers, just as it is me too, this girl who is ecstatic in front of the view, at the summit, who breathes feeling proud and alive.
TO EXTEND OUR COMFORT ZONE : The comfort zone is that bubble that encompasses all the things you know how to do, without too much effort. Getting out of it means taking risks and pushing your limits. And it is through progressive risks, and therefore our little fears, that we rediscover ourselves. In other words: trying new things (even the ones that seem scary) helps us to rediscover ourselves and contributes to strengthening our self-love and self-confidence.
DATING YOURSELF: The "date" with oneself is to offer and dedicate a moment to oneself, every day or every week. Whether it's taking a bath, watching a quiet series under the blanket, going out for a coffee, taking a hula hoop class, etc. This is one of the most complex tools for me, because it imposes a regular routine. It's all about the expression "to show up for yourself". It's the idea of being present, for yourself, even when sometimes you don't feel like it and you're not motivated. To show up for yourself is to take care of yourself without giving up.
Beyond these tools that you had surely already heard about, these last 5 years, I crossed the road of some other complementary activities, which allowed me more than ever to develop this relationship with myself. In particular :
SOLO TRAVEL: getting out of your usual environment to rediscover yourself in another culture, another country, with other people: this is the first self-love tool I used. There is something instinctive about solo travel that brings you back to yourself. And what's more, the advantage of traveling is that you can be whoever you want to be, including becoming the person you always wanted to be. This makes it a little easier to fall in love with yourself again.
TO PRACTICE A CREATIVE ACTIVITY: In my opinion, creating is a chance to meet yourself. For real. Whether it's painting, drawing, photography, gardening, sewing, or any other manual activity. By creating, we rediscover our passions, our talents and often, we surprise ourselves. We hate, we erase, we love. Creating is self-fulfillment and there is nothing better to boost your self-esteem.
TO BODY WITH MUSIC: last but not least, whether it's playing an instrument, singing, dancing or listening to music on a loop while lying on the bed, music has the power to make us face our emotions, present, past or future. It allows us to express ourselves, to let off steam, to accept ourselves, sometimes even to assert ourselves. It is a universal tool for accessing oneself and a door to understanding and loving oneself.
CURIOSITY TO BE OURSELF
If these tools have benefits that we don't have to prove anymore, they remain only bridges between this world and the most raw and sincere version of ourselves. As a French woman, I have always had the impression that school has never allowed me to discover myself. On the contrary, I often felt that the French educational system forced us to fit so much into a mold, that we had no choice but to end up erasing and forgetting ourselves. In sharing these tools with you today, I realized how useless they can be, if we don't first have the curiosity to meet ourselves. How could we love ourself without knowing ourself?!
What I like in Simone de Beauvoir's quote in the intro, is that the "me", becomes an adventure, in its own right. It implies that the journey can be rich in adventures, in discoveries, in actions, in emotions. It is not a simple straight line, it is an adventure, a real one. There is no guarantee that the journey will be easy and fast. Nor even that you will reach the destination without a stopover. But that, I believe, is the biggest secret of all. Get on the train, and discover yourself.
Because in the end, If you are given all the tools, but you don't know the address, you will have a hard time building your home...
TO BE CONTINUED NEXT WEEK: SELF-LOVE, IN HYPER BRAINS, INSTRUCTIONS
Next week I will go into a little more detail about my personal experience with these tools. I will tell you why and how I had to work around certain aspects in order to find the method that best suits my multipotentiality and hypersensitivity.
And you, what are your tools?
See you soon,
love,
Co.
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