Imagine spending thirty years of your life telling yourself that no one seems to experience their emotions the way you do. Worse, ever since you were a little girl, you've been accused of making a big deal of it and not knowing how to move on. You are told that you are a good actress. That you are too much of this, too much of that. The kind of traumas that make you think there's "something wrong with you" and make you learn to hide your emotions or think they're just a figment of your imagination. Until one day you come across an article or two that changes the course of your life.
"Ah, it's all right... I'm just a hypersensitive."
I must admit that if more people had known about this, my life would have been very different until then. But, it's never too late to change things... That's why, today, I wanted to share with you what the life of a hypersensitive person is like. In this article, I tell you about the day I discovered this trait, and explain the difference between the expressions Hypersensitive and Highly Sensitive (HSP). I then define what it means to be a person with heightened sensitivity to the world, and share with you how to know if you too are an HSP. So, shall I take you along? :) Let's go.
The day I realised my hypersensitive trait
"I feel like you experience your emotions like a rollercoaster, with big ups and downs, while mine, follow the course of a small line punctuated by bumps."
This sentence is probably the one that will have turned my year 2021 upside down the most. Last May, while I was crying in my boyfriend's room, he looked at me almost dumbfounded, unable to understand even 10% of the emotions I was going through at that moment. Despite my attempts to explain my sadness and frustration to him, my reaction seems completely out of proportion. However, these emotions, I feel them, I live them, they are there, for real. They invade me and they express themselves.
After a few minutes of silence, to be honest, the only thing I can think of is: what is wrong with me?
And then he repeats this sentence to me. These emotions of his, spread out in a nice bumpy line. Mine, climbing to the top and falling down the slope... It reminds me of an article I read one day about hypersensitive people. Although this term did not speak to me at all at that time, I rushed to Google, looking for a definition. Until then, I always felt like I had spent my life hiding my emotions. I'm not really one to cry easily in a crowd. But I tell myself that it's true, I'm often hurt by actions or words that others haven't even perceived. I often go through a lot of emotions in a day, which can sometimes ruin the day for others. Then doubt sets in.
Hypersensitive then, but since the conversation had started in the room in English, I opened the search engine and wrote "hypersensitivity". I was lucky that I was searching in that language that day, because I was quickly redirected to the term HSP or Highly Sensitive Person. I discovered images and diagrams that quickly seemed familiar. I show them to John who smiles at me. In a burst of tenderness he looked at me and said, "You see, it's you. My answer was more like: "No, but wait, don't you experience things like that? Your brain doesn't do that?" still shocked by this discovery.
I had just celebrated my thirtieth birthday, three months earlier, and suddenly I discovered that the impostor I had long believed myself to be for myself and for others was in fact a so-called highly sensitive person? 30 years of hiding behind personalities convinced that one day, someone would discover how I am not normal, worse, maybe even crazy in real life... (If you're a non-HSP, this should come as a surprise to you when you read it, but if you're an HSP, these words should resonate with you...) As someone who has always hated being labelled, this one seemed really uncomfortable at first...
Before going into a precise definition, let's start with : Hypersensitive or Highly Sensitive?
While they both evoke a heightened sensitivity to the world, I refuse to use the term hypersensitive by choice, simply to detach myself from the negative connotation that this word has taken on in our culture and language over time. This gives me the possibility to distinguish between a person whose character is said to be highly sensitive, and a person who would have a "simple" hypersensitivity to smells for example. However, I am not entirely convinced by the term "Highly Sensitive" either, but it is the one that comes closest to what I want to talk about in this blog. You will often find the initials HSP in my writings or in those of English-speaking authors (HSP standing for Highly Sensitive Person). This is a choice, because in my experience, I have noticed that when I remove the word "sensitive" from the discussion, my interlocutors keep a more open and interested mind on the subject. Coincidence or not, it is still a good tool to divert our brains from the mental constructs we have bathed in all our lives. Anyway, that's another subject, which I will certainly talk about in another article!
So what is a highly sensitive person or HSP?
Simply put, it's a character trait, a personality, in which you experience life three times more intensely than someone who is not HSP. You're going to say, that's great, but it doesn't really speak to me.
It's a concept that was developed by Dr. Elaine N. Aron, in her book The Highly Sensitive Person, published in 1996. She was the first to hypothesise that a part of the population would have a personality with a higher sensitivity than the others. She insists from the beginning that being HSP is not a disease. There is no diagnosis and no medication. It is a trait that is part of us. A bit like being right- or left-handed, in fact.
Through her book, she explains for example that :
HSPs are easily disturbed by bright lights, intense sounds, strong smells, particular materials
HSPs are more sensitive to pain
They need to withdraw from intense situations
They are easily startled, shaken, stressed
They are very affected by the moods of others
They can be very sensitive to drugs or caffeine
They experience their emotions three times more intensely than non-HSPs
They are very alert to small changes in their environment
They are very conscientious and find it very hard to make mistakes
They hate movies that are too violent
They can't stand being hungry
and many others ...
If I stop here, it may seem quite horrible.
But being an HSP is also :
Being touched much more intensely by nature, the arts and music
Being a very good listener
To be empathetic, compassionate,
Creative, dedicated and intuitive
Thoughtful and very attentive to detail
Caring deeply about everything
...
Sounds a bit more like a superpower doesn't it?
So obviously these are facts based on a generality. Some HSPs will not be sensitive to smells but will be more sensitive to noises. Others will still enjoy a good Netflix night watching violent movies or series. You don't have to meet all the criteria to be an HSP, and just because you are an HSP doesn't mean you can't contradict some of these criteria. An HSP is still an individual, with his or her own identity above all else.
So, you might ask, how do you know if you are HSP?
Firstly, if you recognise yourself in the few examples given above, this may be a first clue. There are two ways to find out for sure. The first is to take the test that Dr Elaine N. Aron has put together in her book and on her website. It is a questionnaire of only twenty or so questions to determine whether or not you are HSP. The second is to trust yourself. I assure you that if you are HSP, you will immediately realise it by reading the questionnaire. (In the same way that a non-HSP will not recognise themselves at all) I used to believe that EVERYONE thought like me. That everyone experienced the world as I did. That people were affected and hurt as much as I was by the things around me. That they too spent their time observing, calculating, understanding... Until that day in John's room...
Since that discovery, my life has completely changed. For several months, I'm not going to lie to you, I did nothing but point out all my HSP flaws. And one thing is for sure, in that way, life seemed so much easier for someone like John. But, after weeks and weeks of introspection and learning, I finally figured it out... In fact, there's nothing wrong with me. On the contrary. When you are born or become a highly sensitive person, you are equipped with a precious weapon to approach the world and life in a thousand colours.
That is the whole point of this blog and the articles to come. To share with you my experience as an HSP so that those who are not, can understand the reactions of those who are, without having to go through pity or judgement. And also so that those who read me and who thought they were different for years understand that nothing is wrong with them.
On the contrary, to be an HSP is to have a super power, as long as you know how to use it!
Does being an HSP speak to you? Do you recognise people around you who could have this character trait? What is your experience? I'd love to hear about it in the comments!
See you soon
Love.
Co.
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