Love. It's been a subject in my life and I think as an HSP, it always has been a priority. But in some ways, for many years, I have a feeling I had it all wrong.
There is something with love and connection that could make me lose my mind. If I over feel all the little things in my life, can you imagine what it is to over feel positive energies ? I mean, it's easy to imagine an overflowing sadness, but gosh, can you imagine a tsunami of joy, positivity and love ? The kind that leaves a smile on your face for a few days or a few weeks ? I just always forget.
Yet, those last 5 months have been full of this. Full of fun, of love, of smiles and laughter. I mean, I feel like June was yesterday and I was still crying my heart out telling myself I would never be appreciated and loved for who I am. That I'd always end up heart broken because I am too much, I am too sensitive, and I have too many needs and wants. And here I am today, writing positive words about this. More confident within myself than I've ever been before.
Don't get me wrong, tsunamis come with waves. It's been a rollercoaster of emotions since then. (Or just maybe since I was born.) But today, I can tell something switched in me, whether the planets moved in the sky, the stars aligned or my brain finally connected some dots, but I just can finally feel the love around me.
I think, what was wrong with me this whole time is that I kept on running after one type of love, missing all the other types of love that were surrounding me. You know, I just wanted that one love thing. I wanted to be loved so hard by one person, and to love back so hard, that It would become all that mattered. I'd be heart broken when not loved back. I'd be diving deep into frustration and sadness when my needs were unmet. I'd be feeling so lonely and rejected if that one love was not there. Yet, I had so much love around me. I always had.
As an HSP and an empath, I can connect with people in a way that is different. I can usually see deep in their soul without doing anything. I read the stories in their eyes, I translate their words. And I always feel like I get to meet incredible people.
For many years as a child, all I wanted was to be seen, to be heard and to be loved the same way. I wanted to meet someone who'd be able to read my soul the same way as I was doing it with them. I wanted to be understood so hard, that I put all my focus on getting this from one person. And I was so distracted with that quest of this one kind of love, that I never realized I had it already.
We have this saying in french that says "Les véritables amis se comptent sur les doigts de la main" or "True friends can be counted on the fingers of your hands". And, despite the fact that it won't always totally be true for the social animal that I am, I think it is true in the way of being seen.
I am so, so, grateful for all my closest friends. The ones I called laughing and crying the last few years. The ones to who I sent, every month, many 10-minute-long voice messages on WhatsApp. The ones with who I don't talk often but that I know they care and I care. The ones that accept me living so far away from them, and still welcome me like family when I go home. The ones who got me out of the house when I needed. The ones who support me through my creative self. The ones who bare with all the details in my stories because I absolutely can't sum up a story. The ones who tell me they love me, the ones who don't. The ones who care. The ones who rode the waves with me by the past and still do today. The ones who am sure will be reading this. The ones who have been here for years and the ones I might have met a week ago...
I feel the love around me. And it feels incredibly good.
So, to the next person who will tell me that I am too much, I want to tell them today, that I actually feel SO lucky to be this way. Because I can feel the love, probably in a stronger way than they will ever do. And I swear, there is no better feeling in this world than this one.
That's it.
Sending you the love we all need. Co.
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