When I started my journey into self-discovery 6 years ago, I was convinced that putting people in boxes would never ever help them. Since I was little, I would do everything and anything to not be categorized in a box. Not even the "frenchie" one (that is a good description of who I am) when I first travelled to New Zealand. To me, it was like if boxes would reduce all that I am to one thing only.
However, finding out about Highly Sensitive People a bit over a year ago, has really changed my mind about everything. I first found myself as an HSP, and as I was reading more and more about hyper brains, I'd discover more and more terms and possibilities : high potential, multi-potential, or more recently, some bits of AD(h)D. But,
Cependant, en découvrant le terme HSP il y a un peu plus d'un an, j'ai un peu comme changé d'avis sur la question. Je me suis d'abord retrouvée dans les descriptions de personne hautement sensible, et en lisant de plus en plus sur les cerveaux hyper, j'ai commencé à découvrir d'autres termes : haut potentiel, multi-potentiel, ou plus récemment, quelques traits de TDA(h). But then, are all these labels a good or bad idea?
ARE LABELS A BAD THING ?
As I often bring the subject to the table (Hello Obsession...) I very often get asked if labeling myself in some ways isn't bad for myself ? And you know what ? Here is what I must reply. YES and NO. In fact, it all depends on how you approach the issue. In my opinion, it is a positive act, provided that you follow a line of conduct. For example?
USE LABELS ONLY WHEN THEY SERVE YOU I wouldn't use or put on my forehead any labels that I disagree with. All of these labels listed above are the ones who brought some clarity to my life. They serve me every single day because they helped me pointing out some patterns in my life.
TAKE WHAT YOU NEED, LEAVE WHAT DON'T Categorizing yourself in one or different labels can be overwhelming. And most of the time, not all of the character traits or patterns defined by the label will suit you. And you know what ?! It's normal. It would be a sad world if every single HSP was actually running the boat the exact same way. Take what you need, what helps you moving forward with your life and within yourself. Leave what don't. It's that simple.
DON'T LET THE "DIAGNOSIS" (OR LACK OF) HOLD YOU BACK The last month, when I read "Scattered Mind" from Gabor Maté (or should I say listen this book as I can't read more than 5 pages before doing something else) I was shocked to recognize myself in a lot of AD(h)D traits. I never got diagnosed. And I never ever saw myself as hyperactive (I mean, appart from my hyperactive brain...). But it's my very good friend Marnie who raised some suspicions in me as she was commenting genuinely my way of being at a festival earlier in July. I couldn't sit still if I wasn't occupied with something. She just wanted to rest. She kept on telling me "I feel bad, you're doing everything, could we chill and then we do dishes together ?". And here I was replying "Oh no, that's ok, you chill, I do.", my brain already anticipating the whole lists of tasks to do before dancing time. In reality, I've heard that many times but always thought, this is me, doing my thing. I've never pointed a finger at it... So, do I need to get a diagnosis ? I don't think so. It's never been a "problem" in my life. Will I one day ? Maybe. Same with the High Potential One. When I read about it, I felt like someone had just wrote about me. Does it matter to have the official label ? Will it change something ? Yes, No, it's up to you. It could help you accept yourself, or it could drive you nuts... But in any case, don't let the diagnosis or the lack of diagnosis hold you back from your "full potential".
LABELS COULD BE LIKE THE INSTRUCTION MANUAL YOU'VE BEEN LOOKING FOR ALL OF YOUR LIFE... Labels are great when you use them to get to know yourself. Understanding what it means to be an HSP, a multi-potentialite or to be diagnosed with AD(h)D is a gift. It's almost like if suddenly, someone was giving you the instructions of how your brain works. How your relationship world works. How your heart drives. What I love about them is that they brought me so much understanding about myself that I am now capable of knowing myself and my needs in many many many situations. And by knowing yourself, you get to learn your patterns, you get to understand your functioning, you get to understand your reactions and get to change what doesn't serve you in your everyday life. It is what fills up the first pages of your own instruction manual. One that you need to complete and that you can share. The number of time I felt blamed for being the way I was. Like if everything was a flaw in me. "I'd be too sensitive. I'd overreact. I'd have feelings too strong for others to handle." Today, it makes me so happy to have answers (and not excuses, I insist on that) to people's comment... "You're too sensitive" > "Yeah, I know, I'm sorry if this is uncomfortable for you. My brain processes information and emotions a bit differently, just a bit intensely than others"
LABELS, MY FAVORITE TEACHERS
I'd like to finish this article by sharing a story.
When I moved to Canada, I met this person I will call Lizzy (I changed the name on purpose).
When she was a teenager, her parents and doctors suspected Lise of being an HSP. Her way of navigating the world, a bit against the grain, worried them. Finally, a few years later and after a few more tests, they discovered she was on the autism spectrum. After a few months of talking to each other, she shared with me the differences that make her who she is. These conversations literally CHANGED my perception of the boxes that society puts us in.
The way she knew herself and the way she would share it with others was the best educational tool for people wanting a relationship with her. She would apologize sometimes for not getting our jokes or our conversations but she would also speak up and bring back the fact that we don't all think the same way. We don't all perceive the world the same way. We all need to put some efforts in, if we want to collaborate with each other.
If she hadn't share that story with me, I wouldn't have known how to interact with her in a way that would work for her too. Through her story, she was teaching us something key : she was raising awareness about the importance of educating ourselves... about the diversity of human beings on this planet and the importance of an open-mind about what others' experiences of the world can be.
So to conclude, YES, Labels can be bad. They can discriminate. People will talk about other's labels as if they were a big disease to run away from. Like if "something is wrong with them". BUT BUT BUT ! It is exactly those differences that labels help us share with people, communicate about, educate about.
Bringing people to understand that their way of being is up to their own experience and bringing them to open their mind about it, is one good thing about labels. Because they are facts. They exist. They give answers. Sometimes excuses. But they force you, they force us to get to know yourself and this is one of the best gift labels will ever bring us. In the end :
BE you, DO you. that's all that matters.
take care,
Love,
Co.
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