3 months in Kiwi land, 4 weeks at Terri's and a bit of a feeling of having received happiness straight into my veins before being dropped in the middle of an emotional maze. This is how my last weeks here have been looking like.
It's a bit strange but I had never thought that coming back to Tauranga would create the same feelings as being back in France after a year abroad... Not too surprising in some ways as I almost have the same ties to this country than to my own one. On one hand, this improvised trip to New Zealand never ceases to strengthen my love for the country... but on the other hand, it never ceases to make me want to go elsewhere...
So, how my daily life looks like since I left lockdown at Ben's parents' house ? what are my plans for the future and how does it feel to be back in my old kiwi life ? Let's go!
MY KIWI LIFE - EPISOD 4
Coming back & live with Terri was like going back to France after one of my trip. A story of past, present, future with my emotions in a mess and without seeing clearly through it. At first there was the excitement at the idea of the reunion, I can't even describe how impatient I was to see them all again. Then the reunion itself with this explosion of shared happiness and joy that is always quite intense. And then there's the afterwards. That moment when everyone goes back to their lives or activities and I usually just sit there and wonder what the next step is going to be like for me.
It's been almost 6 weeks now that I'm back in Tauranga and I think it took me almost 4 weeks before being back on my feet and getting back into some habits. I'm lucky because I help Terri to develop her graphic tools for her company : website, social networks, illustrations, ... which makes my wwoofing work very interesting. I also help her in the house, with the dinners and with the 9 puppies that Squeaky, the family dog, gave us almost 5 weeks ago. It has kept me pretty busy and time goes by at a crazy speed. I was also called back by the café to help out, which gave me wings for a few days, because even though the salaries in this type of work are often miserable, I love being in contact with the customers and I simply love this job. It doesn't take much to me to be happy! :)
I have also started giving some private yoga classes, creating tailor-made sessions according to the requests of my Yogis. This allowed me to just try being a teacher or a "guide" and to realize that I simply loved it... And then, I found myself on the other side of the camera this time, for a yoga photoshoot with Sarah, who also lives at Terri's house. A very strange experience for me, as I am much more comfortable behind the viewfinder than behind the lens... !
In a few weeks we said goodbye to summer and hello to winter. The colours of the surroundings have completely changed but the weather is still really kiwi... sometimes I'm wearing my down jacket and it rains all day long, sometimes I put on the shorts and it's like summer again ! In fact, the kiwi winter is a bit like the Norwegian summer... Four seasons in one day.
Luckily, when the sun was there, I was still able to share some hikes, wander and climbing sessions with my kiwi friends that I still have here. In spite of all the uncertainties I've been going through these last weeks, having them by my side was a great source of comfort. Because what I missed the most since I landed in NZ was first, my friends and family from France whom I haven't seen since January and second, to go back on some adventures...
So, even if these were only micro-doses of adventure and friendship, they kept me going while waiting for the bigger ones! (and yes, my love for climbing keeps growing)
Finally, I also played the apprentice hairdresser and dyed my hair turquoise. A bit of craziness in my life, that's exactly what I needed. This inspired Sarah who asked me to do a ombré hair before applying a little bit of denim blue on hers. I wouldn't see myself putting up with customer stories 6 days a week in a hair salon, but I must admit that it was so much fun to do that... "No mom, I'm not going to take over the salon, sorry :) "
ANY PLANS FOR THE FUTURE ?
I'm not going to lie, the first 4 weeks back in Tauranga were harder than I thought. First there was the lack of progress regarding my projects for Canada, then the impossibility to work on New Zealand soil and thus to have a social life linked to it and finally the feeling of not having enough time to achieve the hundreds of personal projects I had started... not to mention this great feeling of loneliness that sometimes inhabits me but which I will talk about in another article. All of this has exhausted me a bit.
And then, I was still haunted by the frustration of having finished this program in Patagonia earlier than expected and the frustration of being here without having an adventure partner with whom to go exploring the different wonders that NZ has to offer by mountain biking, climbing or hiking. (And those of you who know me know how complicated "dealing with frustration" is for me haha) The reason I like outdoor activities so much is because they can be shared moments. So, even if I had thought about venturing out on my own on a project, solo-adventure is not really for me. I could, but I would just not enjoy it as much. In the end, this has been a good way to find out what I want for my Canadian adventure and where to start ! 0:)
However, to the great evils the great cures. I've always dreamed of going back to see the Southern Alps in the middle of winter (yes yes that's the name given to the South Island mountain range ;)) and what was missing from this impromptu trip to New Zealand was finally having a goal. So in mid-July I'm leaving for two weeks of road trip and van adventures, just like in the good old days! Well, I'll probably miss my Cachou a lot. But I won't be alone since Sarah is joining the road trip and it will also be the occasion to tick a box on my NZ bucket list before considering leaving the country once again.
As for Canada, on May 18th, I should have boarded the plane to go there... If I've had a lot of doubts as to whether or not pursue this project for the past year, these last few weeks have definitely reboosted me at the idea of going & explore a whole new culture. Since Norway, I've been dreaming of being able to settle down again for a more "long-term" visa in a country. I'm tired of chasing visas and work permits. Tired of saying goodbye to people with whom I am just starting to build things. I want to take the time, like when I first arrived in New Zealand, to explore a region, a country, a culture, while being legal in the country to have a professional and social life. I want to rebuild my little way of life and for now, Europe or Canada are my only two options. So if all goes well, I will be in the "Caribou" territory before September 5th, when my visa expires. With a possible stop over in France for a few weeks in August. If the planes want it and if Canada lets me in!
HOME SWEET HOME
Although I've been a bit isolated and quiet over the last few weeks, I'm still grateful that I arrived in New Zealand a little over three months ago. I have definitely found many of the answers that I came for and although the COVID-19 situation has been a special one to live in on that side of the world, I think I just had to be patient with myself.
I am getting more and more enthusiastic every day about the idea of starting something new somewhere, even if having to say goodbye again to New Zealand and all my Kiwi Family here breaks my heart in advance . But as I like to tell myself on a daily basis, there are always several ways to approach a situation! I know that leaving them will be an opportunity to see my friends and family back in France. And I look forward to that...
And then, do you remember that "home sweet home" that I had trouble finding when I came back to France... well, it's the same one I've had here these last few weeks. I love New Zealand, I love Tauranga, but if I were to come back to live here, I would definitely need to explore another region. It's strange but it just made me realise that it's not France that's my problem, it's going back to live in a place from the past... Even when I try not to have any expectations of a situation, I always have in my heart the hope of recovering what is no longer. Whereas starting from scratch, where nothing exists yet, is much easier... You could probably say in a way that I'm like running away from the returns. I don't know if that's true, but in any case, it's just a way for me to move forward, to turn a few pages and write many more, for now...
While waiting for the pictures of the road trip in the south island and other small articles in progress, I wish you a beautiful day, night, wherever you are reading me from...
Love. Co.
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