Self-Isolation : Day 2/14 thanks to our dear COVID-19...
I woke up this morning, totally panicked and for a few seconds, totally lost. Where am I ? And then I slowly realized. Nope, this is not a dream. I am really back in New Zealand, I mean, this is real. Funny situation when we know that this is with this exact feeling of panic and rush that I had to leave NZ last year...
I had a few messages asking me "What the f***k are you doing in Kiwi land again ?" and I need to say it took me a few days to be able to explain it to myself.
On Saturday 14th of march, while we were just back from a 4-day hike into the wild with no connection to this world, we discovered with big surprise all the damages caused by this coronavirus, in this world, in only a few hours. Our reaction ? " « WHAT THE F***K !».
And then, it's a huge wave of emotion that took over me. Stupefaction first, then consternation. What is going on ? then fear and denial. "I'm staying here, it is okay, we are lost in the middle of nowhere, we'll be fine". But then the panic again when 3 of my team mates announced they were leaving. "Should I leave too ? Should I wait ? where should i go ?" and then the wait. Untenable. Every minute was becoming crucial. About the course. About ourselves. "Are we gonna have to stop ? Is Argentina gonna be safe ? Are we gonna lose everything ?" But we believed in it. We had hope. We would almost feel protected in our mountains... But then, the sentence. "Game over". "Go home. Now. Book your flights. And go as soon as you can". That is the advice we got. And the beginning of a few hours of anxiety for me...
"Go home" They all rushed themselves on their computers and phone to book this plane ticket that would take them home. But for me, these two words were resonating without stopping. "Go home". Home. Where is home for me. "Go home" France ? this country that I love but that I'm running away from for 3 years now because I don't feel good there anymore ? "Go home" This blue, white, red colors on my passeport that I love but that I hate too when it becomes a reason to discriminate ? "Go home". Isolate myself with my mum in a house that I love but that is not mine ? "Go home" Going home without being able to see my friends and family which are, at this point, the only reasons that make me go home everytime ? "Go home" But where should I go ? where will I go ? "Go home" Ok maybe I can stay here and wait until it's all over. "Go home" Or maybe I could go somewhere else, in Europe for example, I have friends everywhere, I'm sure i can find somewhere. "Go home". Every hour, the situation changes. "Go home" I don't have time to think, I don't know I don't know. "Go home" European's borders are now closed. Fuck. That's a miss. "Go home" Ok, where can I still go ? "Go home" Canada ? nope. "Go home" Peru ? nope. "Go home" New Zealand ? "Go home" "Go home" "Go home" Quick. Decide. Where ? what ticket ? what price ? "Go home" France ? 2500 euros. That's the price to go home. New Zealand ? 1200 euros. "Go home" Allo friends, I'm lost. I don't where to go. "Go home" Ok New Zealand. I'm trying to come. "Go home" The clock keeps ticking. The Situation keeps changing. "Go home" Please Universe, let me win this run against time. "Go home" Please Universe, let me get in before they close the borders too... "Go home"
3 days of anxiety. 24 hours of stressful travel. And after an overbooked flight that I almost missed, after sweating like crazy when the girl at the check-in counter of Buenos Aires didn't want to let me in because my visa wasn't validated yet, and after receiving messages from my kiwi friends announcing me that borders officially closed to any non resident while I was already in the air, I finally landed in New Zealand... And this is with tears on my cheeks that I finally went through the border...
Since then, I'm in a self-isolation for 14 days, with no ability to "go out". I'm in North of North Island, in a dreamy place that I couldn't be more grateful for. I'm alone up there but extremely well supported by my friends here who are all waiting for me to be "free and not contaminated" to see me. It gives me a good opportunity to think about how I got here, why, and to think about what's next in this kind of situation. I have hundreds of questions in my head and as you know me, I already started writing about it.
I'll give you some news shortly.
Love and take care.
Co.
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