What better way than to take advantage of the emotional intensity of the end of the year to share with you pieces of my life in Caribooland.
It's been 3 months since I arrived in Canada and a little over 2 months in Nelson, and I must admit that sometimes it feels like it's been a lot longer. In my last article, I told you all about my beginnings in this region called the Kootenays and all about my first impressions. Since then, many of you have written to me to ask me what it was like after a few weeks of living as a roommate and especially after those first four weeks of work at the ski resort. In spite of my silence, I have a lot of things to show and tell you... Work, new friendships, car search, messy emotions, disorganization, bubbles of happiness, new habits and discomfort, activities, discoveries, ... I am telling you everything...
Are you ready ? Let's go!
MY NEW HOME
In my last article, I left you on my first days spent creating myself a new home, settling in and getting to know Kristy, my roommate...well, since then, nothing has changed! I still spend a lot of time decorating my room and I am over the moon in this little house. It feels great to have a roof of my own. I'm slowly starting to have my little rituals, between walks with Kristy and Oatis, her dog, collecting eggs from our 10 chickens, climbing sessions (when the room was still open), or our endless weekend discussions over a coffee or weekly evenings at the bar. I feel very lucky to have landed at her place because we get along so well and when I hear other people freshly arrived in town, not all roommates are so ideal. And then, as a dog lover, I must admit that having a doggie at home is a daily comfort... Oatis is adorable!
WORK WORK WORK
I have been now working for Whitewater (Wh2o), the ski resort 25 minutes drive from Nelson, for just over three weeks. I am a waitress in the lodge/café upstairs, but with Covid our role is quite versatile. Sometimes I take orders at the counter, other times I manage table assignments, reservations and customer queries at the entrance. We also have a foodtruck container where we serve tacos and burritos, so when I'm lucky I spend the day there. And when I'm a little less lucky, I spend my day disinfecting the tables and benches of the café for the thousandth time...
I must admit that the first few days were quite difficult. I get up at 5:30 in the morning and come home around 5:30, so I might as well tell you that the days can seem a bit long. Work intensity was all the more difficult as the training beforehand was quite minimal... As a proper French person, I feel like I have expectations that are far too high for the type of people who usually work in this kind of place. And, considering the wages, I can't really blame them... Not to mention the fact that the days seem all the longer sometimes because we are completely cut off from the world in our mountain, without any phone reception and without Wifi. It's great because in a way it really reconnects us to each other and allows us to enjoy the day to the fullest, but on the other hand, it sometimes makes my connections with France very complicated... Hence my silence.
Otherwise, this is the first time I have worked in such a big company, we are more than 130 employees, not counting the volunteers. And to my great surprise, I love it. It's funny because I've always been looking for small family businesses, convinced that this was what I needed and what would suit me best. But here at Whitewater, I get a kick out of remembering the faces (or eyes with the mask on) and names of people from other departments... I'm always looking for meetings and discussions and it's a good way to end up having a social life, right in the middle of Covid!
Finally, I had always dreamed of doing seasonal work in the resort to be able to join this very communal and festive spirit that reigns there so being able to fulfil this little dream makes each day a little more intense, even with the restrictions in place due to Covid. Here, we entered "lockdown" at the beginning of December, but the rules are much more flexible than in Quebec or Europe. In fact, instead of letting the virus spread and then imposing strict lockdown, the province decided to put restrictions in place over a period of time long enough to channel the virus. On paper, we must therefore stick to our circle of friends/family or our "household" . We can go to bars, shops and restaurants as long as we wear a mask, disinfect our hands and respect the limit of 6 people at the table. In practice, it is a little more flexible. Our circles are usually a little wider but it works rather well because people prefer a life with a tighter grip but with the possibility to keep going out, rather than being locked down at home. Of course, it also works out pretty well because we are not so numerous in this region and the number of cases is really low.
COPINE COPINE
Finding a car will have exhausted a lot of my energy in late November and early December. It will have been a nightmare and thank you universe because I have met several people since my arrival who have helped me to know a little better what to choose and where to go. In the end, after going through all emotions and many phases of despair, I ended up driving 3 hours with a friend to go see a car and buy it... And yes, it was the most viable and closest option!
Once the keys were in hand, my life definitely took a very different turn.
"Finally feeling free like a bird !"
For the first few days I had to overcome my fear of driving on snowy, icy and sloping mountain roads. But after an attempt on a forest road, I quickly realised that my little HONDA-CRV, which I call "COPINE", will be the ideal partner for any kind of adventure! On the other hand, what still stresses me a bit is driving in towns because the urbanisation and the roads have been thought out really differently from our European style. I'm often lost, especially with the 4-stop intersections... We have one in Nelson and I confess that I avoided it for more than 2 weeks because, even if the rule is: first to arrive, first to pass... sometimes, there is so much traffic that nobody knows who was there first. Strange system for a French girl but you get used to it ! I have to admit that now I don't ask myself any more questions, I go for it... If it wasn't my turn well... too bad!
Oh and for the little anecdote, I still managed to lock my doors from the inside, with the key on the engine and the engine on, without a spare key, up there in the mountain... Luckily, I was at work and I made 3 of the guys working there very happy on the car park because they got to break into my car ! Since then, I got two extra keys made for my car, so I'm now prepared haha!
MY DAY-OFF-ADVENTURES
Apart from all that, when I'm not working, I'm either away exploring some of the region's peaks or on the ski slopes. Doing an outdoor activity with friends is definitely the safest option at the COVID level so I admit I jump on this occasion as often as I can. I've never really hiked in the snow before, but in the last few weeks it has become a bit of a normal thing for me. And I love it.
I have to say that the views around are always incredible... not to mention the almost unreal ski scenery. Whitewater's goal has always been to avoid creating a European-style resort. Hear it then, very wide ski slopes, where the trees would all have been cut down. Here, it's quite the opposite. Trees and powder snow are skiers' friends. People come specifically to our region for this quality of skiing.
At the beginning, it scared me a little bit because even though I have a good level on groomed slopes, I have very little experience in powder snow or through trees. So it was completely stressed and with a big lack of self-confidence that I started the season... I had told my friends so much that I was afraid I didn't have the level that they were surprised when they saw me hurtling down the run at full speed... Gordon decided to call me the "flying frenchie". This is to tell you how much I didn't believe in my abilities at all...
All in all, I really like the resort. Walking through scenery where the trees, all covered in snow, often make you feel like you've landed in a whole other world, it makes the experience really fantastic. For those of you who have seen the movie Narnia, Whitewater is a bit like the scenery you get once you get past the dressing room door! A ski session here is almost as powerful as reading a children's story, with the difference that here you experience it, you live it...
SKI, SNOWBOARD & AVALANCHE TRAINING
Although the wage is often not a dream when you work as a seasonal worker, being part of a ski resort still entitles you to many other advantages.
The first? Free lessons at the ski school during the opening week!
I've always dreamed of trying snowboarding and now I've done it! At first I thought I was going to spend the morning on my butt. But after 2 hours of lessons, I was able to go down the beginner's slope, turn and stop! Enough to decide to take the chairlift for a more intense descent... It had been so long since I had started a new activity that I had forgotten how much fun it is to put your energy into something completely new! And then the sensations of sliding are really different from skiing, which now allows me to vary according to my desires!
Second advantage with the resort: discounts on equipment rental and training. I've always wanted to explore the off-piste or "backcountry" skiing, but given my lack of knowledge on the subject, I've always been very afraid of avalanches. So, before embarking on this type of adventure, I decided to sign up for the Avalanche course this month. Objective ? To know how to plan a ski trip, having taken into account the risks and to learn how to rescue a companion buried under the snow.
In the end, 2 days to tackle a subject as heavy as this one is really short. However, the program was very complete and very rich: reading weather forecasts and avalanche bulletins, anticipating risks, planning, choice of routes, plan B, real-time analysis, use of tranceivers in transmission and search mode, emergency procedures in the event of an accident, discovering and understanding the different layers of snow, scenarios for learning rescue gestures and techniques, terrain assessment and so on.
Not to mention the whole part about ski touring! I had to learn how to put skins under my skis (these are the strips that are glued under the slippery surface of the ski and that allow you to ski uphill) and learn the skiing techniques once the heels are free! Ski touring is a bit like Telemark skiing, uphill, the heel is free, downhill on the other hand, you change the binding and switch back to ski mode. You quickly get used to it in the end, except when you go downhill, with the skins under the skis... Impossible for me to stop without falling or running into the person in front of me! but good fun !
CANADIAN LIFE AND CANADIAN XMAS
As you remember, I was very apprehensive about Canadian English with the masks and the Quebec accent, which was always a bit complicated for me to understand. In the end, I'm doing quite well. Canadians are easy to understand, they certainly have expressions and traditions that are completely new to me, but nothing insurmountable. As for Quebec French, I'm getting used to it. In fact, I really like this country for the ease with which I can switch from one language to another. I still prefer to speak English, but the fact that people can sometimes say a few words to me in French, because it gives them pleasure to try, touches me enormously. I feel more considered as a person and not just as a foreigner, as has sometimes been the case in NZ. My French doesn't bother here. On the contrary, it attracts! And to boost your self-confidence when you arrive in a new country, there's nothing better...
As the festive season approached I must admit that I was starting to panic a little at the idea of celebrating Christmas. The lights quickly invaded the streets at the beginning of December and the memory of my father, who loved so much to decorate our house in the north of France, left me with a slight twinge of sadness. Not to mention the restrictions of Covid, so I had a hard time deciding what I would do. In the end, after a meal shared by video with my family in France, I spent the evening of the 24th with friends, in an outdoor movie mode, and I spent the 25th with another group of friends, celebrating the Canadian version of Christmas. One more experience in my lot of traditions lived abroad and a nice surprise since the evening of December 25th fell 15 cm of snow. This was my first white Christmas.
BEING AN "EXPAT" IN COVID TIMES
Many people asked me what it was like to arrive in a new country in the middle of COVID. Frankly, there are worse things and I must say that I really appreciate being able to discover Canada without the influx of tourists that usually invade ski resorts in the winter. What has been harder is that for once, I didn't really give myself time to "land" before getting into a real life here. Worse, I haven't been very gentle with myself. I wanted and needed to start something from scratch so badly that I put so much pressure on myself that I had the gift of exhausting myself more than once. In fact, I had forgotten how much energy it takes to adapt to a new country. Everything is new even when things look the same. I spent a lot of time observing to understand how everything works here, this new culture, the local administration, the habits of the locals, the language... And, I also gave a lot of my time and my person to be able to meet people when I arrived. Making new friendships may seem anecdotal when you know what a sociable animal I am, but I assure you that it requires quite an intense presence. And I think that's what's hardest about being an expatriate in a time of pandemic. Finding the balance between time dedicated to oneself, time dedicated to settling into this new place and time dedicated to others.
TIME DIFFERENCE
To all those who have tried to call me over the last few months: my apologies for my silence and lack of response. My apologies too for all those missed calls. I think this jet lag is one of the hardest emotional times I have ever experienced, as I constantly have to choose between you and me. Between my life with you and my new life here. This personal time that I usually take in the morning to write and reflect has been overwhelmed by the connections to the Atlantic or by the days skiing in the resort without a network or Wifi. So I might as well tell you that I have spent very little time sitting with myself and doing what I need most: writing. And this has certainly contributed very closely to the feeling of exhaustion I've been experiencing for the last 2 months.
Not to mention the fact that I also have a lot of trouble with the time difference with France. I don't know if you remember, but in New Zealand I liked to joke about the fact that I was living in the future. It's silly but I never really realised how much easier it made things because I could wish you Christmas or the New Year late for me, I was always early for you. I often felt like I had a few more hours in my day to do everything... Here I am technically living in the past compared to all the countries where my friends are. I have almost a day less than NZ and I am 9 hours behind France. You will tell me that this doesn't change much but for me it has only intensified this constant feeling of being late for everything... because when you started wishing me Merry Christmas or Happy New Year, I was just starting my day...
BEST FRIEND/ENNEMY
The return of conflicts with myself... It's funny how self-love can also come in waves... Since my arrival in Canada, I have been very destabilized by this cruel lack of self-confidence, as it appeared out of nowhere. Who knows why, all of a sudden, all these stages of expatriation which usually give me wings and surprise me for my ability to manage them with a hand, have here become summits impossible to climb. There are days when I am my best friend, others when I am clearly my best enemy. I have found it very hard to accept the fact that I feel so stressed or panicked and that I can't manage to take 5 minutes to breathe and put things into perspective. I hate this feeling of lack of time and lack of self-confidence... And I believe that being fully aware of this is sometimes even harder to face than not knowing about it...
I have also been very impatient with myself since my arrival and writing to you this month has finally allowed me to realise this... I have put unnecessary pressure on myself, with demands certainly a little too high for the first few weeks in an unknown land. After all, I've only been in this country for three months and if I usually give myself several to get my bearings, here everything has gone very fast! Enough to provoke this feeling of having my emotions completely in shambles.
All this without taking also into account the fact that the months of December and January have for the last 2 years had this slightly bitter flavour that plunges me every year into an emotional chaos. My dad's birthday on December 15th, the holidays away from my family, and the anniversary of his death on January 12th... You might as well know that there is nothing more stirring for the stomach and the head than this time of year. If I have often felt lonely in this experience of mourning which, let's be honest, never really stops but just fades away in time, I have had the chance to meet 3 people since my arrival who have also lost someone close to them. To be able to share my story and my waves of emotions without fear of judgment with someone who has also gone through it, is quite new for me... When I tell them it's already been two years they tell me it's only been two years... and that's really priceless...
GRATITUDE
In the end, the days go by, life goes on, and we have finally reached the end of 2020. The opportunity for me, in the middle of this emotional mess that has filled the last two years, to remind myself that I am still very lucky to have reached this point.
I've already met some great people here who have been supporting and backing me since the beginning of this adventure in Caribooland and without whom I think the experience would have been a little more intense. I am also lucky to have found a region that suits me so well, to have a job and to be in a province where Covid still lets us live almost normally. The chance to have friends on the other side of the Atlantic or Pacific (yes yes, you who read me) who have also been very supportive over the past few weeks. And the chance to have great family and friends who let me pursue and live my dreams, no matter what.
So, despite all the messy emotions I'm going through, and despite all the waves of bitterness, sadness and loss, when I think about the last three months in here, about my year 2020, the two years since my dad passed away, or the three and a half years since my rebirth in New Zealand, I can only see the positive. And what would I remember in the end? All these incredible encounters, all these magnificent landscapes that I have travelled through, all these golden friends who have accompanied me for years, all this love that has been given to me, this family that is coming together after the tragedy, all these unforgettable moments spent by your side, all the support and the outstretched hands, all these endless laughs, these evenings over a glass of wine, these shared tears and all this journey and evolution since the day I decided to take the roads of life.
So no matter if the experiences I have to go through are tragic or magical, happy or unhappy, easy or difficult, they make me feel alive every day and I believe that this is the meaning of life. Not trying to live happily, but simply trying to live fully.
HAPPY 2021 everyone
I will write to you soon,
Take care of yourself,
Love. Co.
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